to feel alive again
by tatty ted
Summary: Kate's on a mission to have fun at the work's christmas party but instead finds herself questioning her friendship with Jack. - —Kate/Jack.


- — **prompts**; christmas and presents.  
i know it's lower case but meh, sometimes it needs to be done.

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**to feel alive again**_  
i know what i said but i lied._

* * *

she doesn't like to think what could've been, or what might have been if things had been different. she isn't one to break apart, to fall when she thinks of her husband. no, she gets on with it because she has no choice. she has to be strong, she can't cry, she can't wallow in self-pity.

she has to move on because nothing's going to bring him back, is it?

it's almost christmas, three days, seventy-two hours away. it'll be her first christmas without trevor and she's gone slightly _cr—azy _with the decorations and the presents and inviting the whole family but she doesn't want to be alone.

(which is stupid because kate knows you can be in a room full of people and still feel _alone)_

she's putting on a front, p/r/e/t/e/n/d/i/n/g everything's fine but everyone knows — (**everyone's waiting**) for her to break apart, to shatter like a glass vase. she tells herself she won't, (i won't break, i can't break.) tonight she's going to go out and have fun, she deserves fun.

"hello miss moneypenny." she hears a familar voice and turns around. her eyes fall upon jack and she answers;

"you're the third person to say that today and it wasn't very funny the first time." there's something, a _little_ teeny-weeny piece of him, she's attracted too. which, either way you look at it is stupid because her husband's barely dead and she really shouldn't be trying to catch the eye of somebody else so soon.

but it could be perfectly innocent, she could just _think_ she's attracted to him and she isn't really.

"i spy with my little eye something beginning with v."

"v, erm—"

"vodka martini shaken not stirred." she laughs and reaches the bar. she necks her drink in one and he comments on the music. they agree it's awful but she insists it won't stop them and takes his hand, taking him to the dance floor.

she has fun, becomes a little wild and acts like she's had way too much to drink. she's only had the one but it's nice to completely forget everything and just pretend for a minute everything is fine. but — as quickly as it started, it ended.

the song, it's trevor's favourite song and she feels guilty. it all hits her like a tonne of bricks and he senses she really isn't okay. he buys her a brandy because brandy's always good for shock and they sit down.

she apologises, she thinks she's been foolish but he explains she isn't. she isn't the only person who has strategies to cope with things, everyone does. he's a kind man she thinks and tells him that and then there's nothing but silence.

"i think i'd like to go home."

so they're stood outside waiting for the taxi and she's rubbing her hands up and down her arms. there's something about her he likes, she's strong and special and one of those people who aren't dependable on anyone else.

their eyes catch for a second, a second too long and neither of them say anything. jack steps forward and kate knows what's going to happen. she should at least stop it from happening but her mind _wants _it to happen. even though it's betraying her husband, who's barely even cold.

"jack?" their eyes meet again and he strokes her cheek, "jack, we can't, please not here."

he doesn't listen. he doesn't want too. kate steps back, "don't make this any harder than it's got to be," he understands what she's saying. they are physically attracted to each other and it's not wrong but it's not the best timing ever.

he smiles softly and moves his hand from her cheek. the taxi's arrived and she heads towards it; "goodnight jack."

"goodnight kate." the taxi drives away and he sighs. he looks back at the place the party's been held and decides on going home himself. he doesn't want to go back to the party without her, she really is the life and soul of the party.

he sighs deeply again and disappears into the night, knowing he can't exactly blame it on the alcohol in the morning.

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**jottings** -— so yeah, kate/jack is definitely my new ship(yy) like it enough to favourite, don't forget to leave a review:3


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